Has anybody you've ever known been a participant in a circle jerk? Speaking of which, I was watching some live footage from 1986-87 of the CIRCLE JERKS, the band, and Keith Morris was responding to a comment made by REM where supposedly one of the members of REM said the CIRCLE JERKS voted republican. Keith Morris' response was that by trying to make the CIRCLE JERKS look stupid, REM had actually shown themselves to be completely ignorant when it comes to politics, because anyone with an average I.Q. can see that there is no real difference between Republicans and Democrats. Keith Morris never struck me as a Republican, and so I was happy to hear he wasn't a Reaganite and that he was fed up with both parties, but of course this was back in the eighties. Yet I'd have to assume that if Keith was fed up 15 years ago, then he has to be shaking his head now, because there is even less difference between the two today. It doesn't matter who's elected, because both parties are part of the same old system that was created to protect the rights and property of the few, and not the majority of Americans, and definitely not us - the punks. So what do you say we skip the politics for now, and check out a film or two? Okay, go line up by the exit doors, and I'll be right there. (As for Nader, he has always been indifferent to Affirmative Action and other issues concerning minority groups, and he should stick to consumer rights where he belongs. Sorry all you PEARL JAM and GREEN DAY fans)

"Duck! The Carbine High Massacre"

There is a saying that 80% of a film's success is based on casting, and there are similar sayings by slightly more ego maniacal filmakers that put it at 50%, but in the case of DUCK ! I'd say that casting is at least 90% of it's success. Sure the script has it's bright spots, and the low budget special effects aren't without their moments, but so much of the humor and overall aesthetic comes from the fact that most of DUCK'S major characters are played by actors who are so obviously not the stereotypes they are attempting to portray. A perfect example of this takes place on a basketball court where a punk looking kid is playing the leader of the jocks, but when he is required to take a shot at the hoop, he doesn't come within five feet of hitting the rim. In another case there is a pale looking actress who is supposed to be similar to a christian student who was a victim at the Columbine shooting, but this nice little character begins to look just a bit seedy as it appears that the actress portraying her has forgotten to shower, or if she has she forgot to wash her hair in the days preceeding the shoot. I could go on and on about all the particular instances of successful casting contradictions that helped to elevate this film to something more than the distasteful piece of sensationalistic exploitation it appears to be. Yet even if the teachers and school principal didn't look like extras from an eighties porno movie, the right on the money casting of the two lead characters would have made DUCK! more than just a video version of a bad movie of the week.
Joey Smack and William Hellfire are perfect as the two black trench coat wearing loners who spend too much time on the internet and listening to horrible German music while plotting ways to destroy their school and all the students inside before eventually committing suicide. In a high school where every student seems to have a tattoo and numerous piercings, the two gangly teens seem to be the most mainstream of all the students. Whether or not this was intentional on the part of the filmakers, or not, doesn't really matter, because the end result is that we get to look at the Columbine massacre from a very different point of view than was reported by the media.
DUCK! ends with the inevitable mass murder of the Carbine high students, including the one African American student who wears an "I hate white people," t-shirt. The jokes made after the murder of this particular character are, I assume, in reference to the two Columbine shooters who were connected via the internet to some facist organizations, but they fail to come off as anything other than at the very least unnecesary, and possibly racist. Neither conclusion would probably come as any suprise to the makers of DUCK!, because anyone who is capable of spoofing the Columbine tragedy so soon after the fact probably isn't very concerned with whether or not they are seen as eitjer very thoughtful or PC. The eeriest thing about DUCK! is that it's damn good filmaking, and rather than disappear along with the images of the actual Columbine shootings, it's proably destined to inhabit a video/dvd cult section near you for years to come. ($30 postage paid to Factory 2000, Dept. DUCK!, PO BOX 447, Ringwood, New Jersey 07456 - www.duck2k.com)

The Films Of Jeff Krulik - "Heavy Metal Parking Lot"

I was first introduced to Jeff Krulik's work via the internet one night at Icki and Mimi's apartment in Berkeley. Icki played me just a bit of Jeff Krulik's most well known film "Heavy Metal Parking Lot" over an online media viewer, which isn't the optimum way to watch any film I'll admit, but I saw enough to know that "Heavy Metal Parking Lot" was funny as hell, and something that I had to watch some day in it's entirety. Well, it's taken me quite a bit longer to get around to it than I would have predicted after leaving the academicaly charged atmosphere of M & M's midtown headquarters, but I've finally done it, and now you''ll get to read all about it. So close the hood and crack open a can of Schlitz or Schaeffer or Milwaukee's 1851 so I can tell you all about it.
"Heavy Metal Parking Lot," can be found on a tape that Jeff Krulik sells entitled "The Films Of Jeff Krulik And Friends," which also includes other works by Jeff Krulik such as "King Of Porn," "Mr. Blassie Goes To Washington," "Neil Diamond Parking Lot," and a handful of humorous shorts, as well as some previews of Jeff's works in progress. "Heavy Metal Parking Lot," takes place in a parking lot outside of a JUDAS PRIEST concert in the 1980s, and every variation you could think of on the stereotypical metal head, stoner, white trash teenager (and some young adults) can be seen in all it's glory at some point as Jeff Krulik roams from posi-traction Camaro to Charger to Pickup, and chats it up with the intoxicated fans of JUDAS PRIEST and DOKKEN (who were the opening act). You get the feeling that it wouldn't matter what metal band was playing really, because the event is the action being documented in the parking lot, and the fact that it's JUDAS PRIEST and not IRON MAIDEN, or even SLAYER, just makes the cheap beer swilling fans seem all the more entertaining to you the judgemental viewer.
"Heavy Metal Parking Lot" is without a doubt the genius is this class of gifted filamking, but "Mr. Blassie Goes To Washington" is pretty close to reaching a similar level. Jeff follows in the tradition of Andy Kaufman who's "Breakfast With Blassie" is every bit as genius as "Heavy Metal Parking Lot," but here jeff provides, perhaps, the sequel that Andy wasn't able to. There are also clips taken from local public access television shows which are unquestionably superior to anything on television today, which isn't saying much I know. In one segment there is an African American man, that goes by the name of Belvis, and who has memorized the lyrics to every Elvis song ever recorded. Belvis sports a hairstyle that looks like Orlando's, from SPECIAL FORCES, old high-top mohawk. Can you imagine being that guy when PUBLIC ENEMY came out with the song, "Fight The Power?" (Jeff Krulik: Jeff@planetkrulik.com or www.planetkrulik.com)

Here's a report from filmaker/poet Jackie Joice, who has been traveling around from film festival to film festival with "Punk Pretty," which is her film about the Riot Grrrl movement and feminsim in the Southern California punk scene. Jackie and I have kept in touch since her film was first reviewed in the Punk Movie Nights column, and I've asked her to write some updates for us from time to time. So here's your first installment.

THE MELBOURNE FILM FESTIVAL
September 7-10, 2000

Oh, the finger foods...the finger foods were the best. There were loads of finger foods and two kegs of free beer at the VIP party. My favorite was the mini tomato and cheese quiche cakes. Hmmm...Hmmm...Hmmm. I wormed my way through the crowd of fifty or so and ate plenty of those and finger sandwiches and drank loads of Pepsi with no caffeine. No, I didn't indulge in the free beer, had I not been driving it would have been a different story. Well, let's get to the festival.
I arrived a day before the festival, which i highly recommended. I had a chance to get a good nights rest and a chance to get up early the next day and find out where the events of the festival were going to be held. I also checked out some cool thrift stores, c'mon you know I gotta check out the thrift stores. I found out where the street fest was going to be held and the film festival. The film festival was at the Henegar Arts Center on New Haven in Melbourne.
I had prepared some press packs (white folders from Staples) with my bio, a "Punk Pretty," postcard, a budget proposal for my next project and some write-ups on "Punk Pretty." Very simple. On the day of the screenings I placed them on a table with the rest of the filmakers promo-stuff. I should have brought more postcards because everyone loved them. I also had a "Punk Pretty" t-shirt that I wore on VIP night.
After the VIP party there was an after party. The after party was down the street at this Irish pub called Meg O Malley's. The entertainment: a Scottish man with a plaid skirt, playing Scottish rock. This was the first time I ever danced off beat. The food at this place was delicious.
Sometimes I was scared to drive at night especially since it was raining the whole time I was there. After I left Meg O Malley's and I was slowly driving home on the dark I-95 highway (it was raining that night too) an old gray pick-up truck zoomed passed me with a confederate flag in the back window. Yikes! Thank god I didn't get my flat tire then, okay, I'll admit that I've seen too many horror movies.
Melbourne is a nice looking city. The organizers of the festival were warm and humorous and I felt welcome. I wasn't able to drive around the residential areas but the hotel I stayed in was in a nice wide open space. It was hot there and I thought it was cool to hear the praying mantis's. Did you know that the female praying mantis devours her mate after mating?

"The Dead Next Door"
Written and directed by J.R. Bookwalter

This isn't new, and in fact it's kind of a cult classic in terms of underground horror, but I forgot to give out a few Halloween recommendations back when I had the chance, and since everday is literally a frightening prospect for chronicly unemployed punks like myself, I figured I'd provide you all with a belated pick in this month's column. My pick this issue is THE DEAD NEXT DOOR, which is a low budget film that follows in the tradition of such classics, and near classics, as NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, DAWN OF THE DEAD, DAY OF THE DEAD, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, and STEELY DAN.
J.R. Bookwalter's film is set in Akron, Ohio, and it involves a virus gone bad. The virus in question turns humans into flesh eating zombies. The people are technically dead, and the zombie state is not so much a true "zombie state", but actually represents the life cycle of a virus that takes over all functions of the host body. There may be a recipe for a anti-viral serum in the lab where the virus was born, and so the government sends a Zombie Squad out to search for it. The Zombie Squad are a special unit that is funded by some branch of the goverment for the specific purpose of eradicating zombies. On their mission to find the anti-viral serum, the Zombie Squad encounters a religious cult that believes the zombies were sent by "god" to hasten the end of life here on this planet. So the cult protects the zombies, and even manages to turn some of them into pets. The cult also has a thing about sacrificing virgins, which is never really explained. Will the Zombie Squad be able to stop the cult, the zombies, not to mention their own utter stupidity, from destroying the world? Can scientists who have just had their tongues ripped out by vengeful ex-Zombie Squaders still form words with only their throat muscles? You owe it to yourself to answer questions like these and others, because who knows what the effects from genetically altered taco shells will be.
(Tempe Video, PO BOX 6573, Akron, OH 44312-0573)

"Gemini (Soseiji)"